Thursday, October 3, 2013
A Man from Operation Integrity shares his deeply experienced discovery
The conflict I had was thinking I am ugly and unattractive. That might be true on the outside based on GQ and societies standards. I would think that I am entitled to fantasize about girls and look at porn because they reject me. It is okay for me to take drugs and drink because it is just me. No wife, no family. God was not giving me what I wanted, I had the right. Then in His timing he answered my prayers and over time I will be married and have a family. I panic though. I thought everything I come to understand and enjoy was going to be taken away. I decided to do more while I had the time. Look at more porn, drink some more, and get high. But I realized that what I have now is better. What God is going to give me and take away is better. I don’t have to do what made me comfortable. Being uncomfortable during a transition is okay. God is with me. I don’t need to look at porn, drink or get high because of my low self-esteem. God has answered my prayers by validating through others that what I have on the inside is more than what I think I have on the outside. That my beauty is skin deep and that others do see that which I didn’t realize or want to believe. I realize now that I am not the only one who sees inner beauty. I would project on others based on their outward appearance that they did not understand inner beauty and would reject me. It does not matter, what matters is what Gods thinks. That we are all made from His perfect image. Not getting what I want does not give me the right to look at porn, do drugs, or drink. What matters is Gods-esteem and what He thinks of me. Regardless of my prayers answered or validation of others, what matters is that I’m beautiful and attractive. God's validation is all I need by knowing He made me just perfectly the way I am. I draw from Gods-esteem and not my self-esteem.