Monday, June 24, 2013

DISCOVERING NEW DESIRE - from When Lost Men Come Home, not for men only

Discovering New Desire
I consider myself more fortunate than most for having had so many addictions. My addictions have enabled me to enjoy a perspective many people cannot see. The complex and multi-faceted nature of my drunkenness, drug use, and the generally pathetic way I lived my life proved to me beyond any doubt that I was in need of a complete personal overhaul. It also had become clear to me that the way my addictions to things changed back and forth confirmed that things like alcohol, drugs, or sex were not my most core problem. My biggest problem had been me; namely the way I thought about myself, about my life, and about God and others.
            With this reality coming into focus, I could see that for as far back as I could remember, I was deeply unhappy and dissatisfied with who I was and the life I lived. My best intentions and heartbreaking failures fused together over the years until I was entirely ready to be made into a fundamentally different kind of person. And I must confess I was also deeply concerned I might soon die because of my addictions if I did not change. Staying the same was no longer acceptable. I wanted to be different. I needed to be different.

This is an excerpt from WHEN LOST MEN COME HOME, not for men only  ~ Copyright David Zailer, 2011

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