I was 41 years old when I got help
from others and began stopping my addictions, which was a big step in the right
direction. But, in addition to stopping my destructive way of life, I also
needed to learn how to come out of the isolation I had learned as a child, to
live in a real world of real people, and have real relationships with them. I’m
not sure which felt worse: the painful experience of detoxing from drugs and
alcohol or the experience of getting honest about myself with others.
A New and
Better World
My
part in the recovery process required me to become more honest with myself, God
and other people. This was a slow and difficult process, but as I did it, I
began to experience a new closeness with friends and a respect for myself that
I had never had before. This new way of relating to others felt strange in the
beginning, but it also felt good. It was like I was being baptized into a new
and better world. By admitting my faults and vulnerabilities to people who could
understand and empathize with my experience, I was able to rise above the sense
of condemnation I learned as a child.
The ‘getting honest’ part of my
recovery work transformed my self-disgust into a compassionate regard for
myself and my own life experience. Allowing other people to know my mistakes
and vulnerabilities helped me experience the relational acceptance I needed.
Listening without judgment or criticism, they modeled to me the grace and
acceptance I didn’t get at home. This lightened the burden of shame and guilt I
felt, which encouraged me to become even more honest still. But there was more
to this experience. I started to feel lightness in my heart, and even, at
times, found humor in the things that once threatened my health and my safety.
I could accept and laugh at myself like never before. I was on a new path which
was leading me out of isolation and fear of the past to a newfound sense of
wholeness and honest friendship with others. This honest and transparent way of
recovery brought me authentic, burden-bearing friendships I previously thought
were not going to be possible for someone like me.
“You’re blessed
when you’re content with just who you are – no more, no less. That’s the moment
you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can’t be bought.”
Matthew 5:5 MSG
This is an excerpt from When Lost Men Come Home, not for men onlycopyright, david zailer 2012
No comments:
Post a Comment