Relationship
— Not Religion
Whatever
I had previously thought I believed and then professed to others regarding God
and/or religion didn’t matter much because it obviously had not been authentic
enough to really work for me. Others in the fellowship have experienced this
same realization about their own religious beliefs and opinions. Those
who claimed no God were in trouble and what others may have professed about God
hadn’t helped either. We all ended up in the same place — addicted.
Call it whatever you want. What we really needed was real and effective help,
and with an open mind and heart, we became ready to receive that help!
The concept of faith may offend
those who consider themselves too smart to believe in God. For some, the mere
mention of the word “faith” threatens self-indulgent egos and self-mastered
lives. Some of our group had believed God was nothing more than a concoction of
weak-willed people who were searching for answers through religious distraction
and effort. And I agreed with them in one respect. Any “god” created within the
mind of man is not God. Any “god” defined solely by human terms and
descriptions serves only the dictates and demands of someone’s predetermined
thinking, which is to some degree, always flawed, shortsighted and ignorant.
In these ways, whatever is believed cannot be God.
In
a similar way, indifference, complacency, defiance, self-sufficiency and
prejudice are in some ways understandable for those who, like me, were raised
in religious environments that lacked nurturing love, were abusive or didn’t
affirm the human dignity God created within all people. We all suffer from
pride and our own prejudices, which block us from discovering God in a way that
truly makes a difference in our lives. However, with hope for a new life connecting
with the painful motivations created by our addictions, we realize we must seek
God on His terms and not our own. We must allow Him to tell us who He
is and what He is all about.
Real Faith
Real
faith is humble and willing to accept answers, any answer that helps us
recover. A faith that hopes in a power greater than we are will not seek to
debate, to conquer or win unnecessary arguments. In real faith we realize the need
to live well is much greater than the need to be “right.” Through a
humble faith like this, the humiliation of sexual addiction can be molded into
an openness that maximizes the chances for recovery and the restoration of a
life truly worth living. In faith, we are transformed from victims to
survivors, the kind of people who are able to help and guide others. Real
faith is the catalyst of revolution for every man, be they religious minded or
non-religious minded.
And faith is much more common than we
may realize. Each of us exercises faith daily when we tap into the power of
natural physics to make life more convenient. When you turn the key to your
car, what do you expect? Power to start the engine. When you flip a light
switch, what are you looking for? Light. What are you looking for when you pick
up the telephone? To get connected. We have faith in the benefits of modern technology
through personal experience. In the same way, we can learn faith in God by
personal experience, too.
This is how I discovered a faith
that gives me the power to recover from my addictions. In varying ways and with
varying degrees of progress, I’ve discovered that I can trust in others,
“higher powers” if you will, and The Higher Power, God.
So, if the thought of trusting God
is troubling you, don’t worry about it right now. There are lots of “higher
powers” who can assist you in your recovery. Relax! And allow God to help you
learn to trust Him. This, we believe, is the genesis of real faith after all.
In our fellowship today, there are
men who rejected God initially, but in their hope for recovery stayed
open-minded. They made good use of other “higher powers” which helped them move
into recovery, but only to the degree that they remained honest about
themselves and open-minded about God.
The true “Higher Power” will reveal
Himself to anyone who sincerely wants to know Him. Faith springs from hope for
life. It flourishes from humility and honesty and openness, making us more and
more aware of the goodness God seeks to give us. That’s how it’s been for me.
Faith is all about possibilities:
the possibility that we can be restored to sanity, the possibility that we will
truly gain freedom from our sexual addiction, the possibility that our
personality and life will be changed and that God will be known in a personal
and profound way. You don’t need to know who to call for because when you call
for The True God, He knows that
you call for Him and only Him. There is no one else.
“But there is One who has all power – that One
is God. May you find Him now.
Half
measures availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point.
We
asked His protection and care with complete abandon.”
Alcoholics
Anonymous, The Big Book pg 59
As we said
before, some in our fellowship were very religious when they began their work
of recovery. They asserted that their way of life was “the way,” the “right
way,” or the “only way.” But even with their powerful and prideful professions
of faith, they became sexual addicts just like the rest of us. It was like
their religious professions were more of a handicap, propping them up like
religious scarecrows, empty and worn, unable to acknowledge and admit their
needs and shortcomings. This is why it’s so easy to hide in religion. I’ve done
it personally many times and I’ve done it very well. The truth of the matter is
this: while “religious” addicts maintain well-intentioned commitments, and may
even speak eloquently about theology and God, their religious experience is
contained within their own personal thinking and will never be sufficient for
true spiritual living, as proven by their addiction. Sex addicts are sex addicts
whatever their religion. And, religion by itself never cures an addiction of
any kind. In reality, misguided rule-keeping religion promotes and deepens
addiction, and can even become an addiction itself.
True religion
becomes reality only when it is relational, and part of a personal revolution
that transforms someone — their thoughts, their feelings, their beliefs, and
their actions. Anything less than this
is not true faith or true religion. But, having said all of this, we don’t
encourage anyone to leave their church or denomination. Where we had failed to
find a true personal faith and live it out in an honest and sincere religious
experience, many others from various churches have succeeded.
Instead of
trusting in our own strength or wits to get out of it, we were forced to trust
God totally – not a bad idea since he’s the God who raises the dead!
2 Corinthians:
1:9 MSG
So, is your “religion”
working for you? Are your personal convictions successfully guiding you through
life? Are you experiencing inside yourself the kind of life that keeps you free
from the internal conflicts that result in addictions? If so, why are you
reading this book? Addictions of any kind prove that we need to become spiritual where we
have been pious, humble where we’ve been self-confident, honest where we’ve
been self-deceived and open-minded where we have been stubborn. Before
God will be anything to any of us, He will be our Savior. Either God is everything or He is
nothing!
When God touched
me in His own time, I experienced a power that is deeply personal, beyond my
comprehension and impossible to explain. New ground had been broken within me.
God was revealing Himself in a way I had never imagined He would. And I hope
the same for you.
“When
I was driven to my knees by alcohol, I was ready to ask for the gift of faith.
And all was changed. Never again, my pains and problems notwithstanding, would
I experience my former desolation. I saw the universe to be lighted by God’s
love; I was alone no more.
Bill
Wilson, The Grapevine January 1962
“In my own case, the foundation of freedom
from fear is that of faith: a faith that despite all worldly appearances to the
contrary, causes me to believe that I live in a universe that makes sense. To
me, this means a belief in a Creator who is all power, justice and love; a God
who intends for me a purpose, a meaning and a destiny to grow, however
haltingly, toward his own likeness and image. Before the coming of faith I had
lived as an alien in a cosmos that too often seemed both hostile and cruel. In
it there could be no inner security for me.”
Bill
Wilson, As Bill Sees It
excerpt from When Lost Men Come Home, not for men only
copyright, david zailer 2012
We continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.
This is an excerpt from Our Journey Home, By David Zailer 
