Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for the knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life. Philippians 4:6-7, The Message
“We must be motivated from within, not from without. We must live our lives before God, knowing that He sees all and that our reward will come from Him if we persist in doing what He has asked us to do.” - Joyce Meyer
A Different Desire
We have failed to meet our own needs. Everything we’ve tried to make ourselves right has ended in failure. Surrendering our lives to God is more of an act of desperation than of virtue. We didn’t surrender because we were good or honorable or because we thought we had our lives under control. We surrendered our lives to Him in order to save our lives!
We must never lose sight of the fact that God is never gained by virtue. He is only discovered when a bankrupt man or woman seeks Him. Desperate, every one of us has had our own personal reasons why we surrendered our lives to God. Some reasons seemed like really good ones and others seemed very selfish, and that’s okay because any and every reason to seek God and recover from our brokenness is a good one. And there is never a bad reason to ask God for help.
In recovery we learn to seek God for better and more important reasons than the reasons we had when we first started. As we progress, we learn to seek Him and to surrender to Him for the best reason: God Himself. We came to God because we had to, but we stay with God because we learn to live in His grace. There is no other place for us to find a life that is worth living.
I have never had a better life than the one I have today. For the first time I have the life I’d hoped for when I was a kid. Growing up, I saw how my friends enjoyed life. They had a positive outlook that always escaped me. My days were spent in self-loathing and envy and these feelings drove me to desperate measures. I was always trying to escape the way I felt but I never could.
But, thankfully things have changed. I got the help I needed with my drug addiction and I made the decision to give my life to God. As a result, today I am thankful to be alive. I am learning to be content with the way things are and I have hope for the future. Now I must say that even with as good as I am doing, I still feel a restlessness within me. I still want something more. It’s like I’ve been on a very long journey to get home and while seeing my home in the distance, the last mile is all uphill.
My deep yearnings have not disappeared, but now that God has met me in my pain, the way I interpret my feelings has changed. My feelings are not the chronic emptiness they once were. It’s hard for me to explain. My painful feelings are more like the kind of soreness that comes from good exercise. I feel a longing, like the longing for a loved one that I know is coming home to be with me soon.
Having come to know the greatest joy in the universe – God – I have been enlarged so that I am ready for more of whatever good God has to give me. My appetite for badness - my addiction that is - has lessened and my appetite for goodness has increased. My soul is not yet completely satisfied, but it is filled up with a joy that overrides my yearning when I direct myself to God whom I know through Christ Jesus.
Life is simpler now. It’s as simple as this, With God there is life; without God there is no life. This simple principle transforms everything I think, feel and do. With it, I become the kind of man who lives privately just like I would if everyone were watching me. I wrote this poem as a prayer. It sums it up for me.
The more I seek You, the more I find You;
The more I find You, the more I love You;
The more I love You, the more I seek You.
Insights and Inspirations for Christian Twelve Step Recovery
By David Zailer and The Men and Women of Operation Integrity
Chapter Eleven Segment One
Copyright David Zailer, 2008
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